In today’s consumer society, we tend to go from one trend to the next in the blink of an eye. These days, as soon as something is new, it’s well on its way to being old. Things I thought were so cool a few years ago, I would now turn my very generously proportioned nose up at. For example, those of you old enough may remember the awesome Hypercolour t-shirts that would change colours at different temperatures. Or those sweet track pants with the stirrups so you could hook them under your feet? I dare you to wear those outside of your house these days!

In saying that, fashion isn’t just limited to trends in clothing, but everything in our lives — from the music, to whether or not big wings are cool and even how we speak. Generally, something goes out of fashion once everyone starts doing it. So, similar to dickheads thinking they’re Snoop and putting 'izzle’ on to the end of every damned word, the term 'bling’ has been so overused that it is very much in the realm of “oh, that is so last year.” Which is a real pity, because I really can’t think of a better way to describe Brendan Gilbert’s awesome 2006 Chrysler 300C wagon. So, I’m just going to have to be uncool and pull out all the stops because, damn! With more chrome than Lil’ John’s mouth and an audio install like no other, this car is just plain bling! Errr! Fo’ shizzle! Brendan was on the hunt for a new vehicle to promote his business, Madsoundz in Tauranga. After a deal on a Hummer fell through, he found out that Chrysler was about to start bringing the touring wagon version of everyone’s favourite gangster-mobile — the 300C, into New Zealand. A deal was quickly worked out and Brendan soon had his hands on the country’s first V8-powered 300C wagon.

If you didn’t already know, Chrysler’s awesome 5.7-litre Hemi V8 is a brilliant piece of engineering. The big ole cast iron Hemi produces 250kW (340hp) at the fly, which is enough to propel the heavy yank tank to 100 clicks in the low six-second bracket. With two valves per cylinder and an ancient pushrod design, the grunty engine isn’t exactly high-tech when it comes to making its power.

It is, however, very clever in its approach to fuel economy; switching off four of the eight cylinders when they are not needed. Since Brendan intended this particular 300C to be more of a show car and not so much a go car, he left the engine as Chrysler intended — simply removing the rear mufflers to give a throatier exhaust note.

Right from the factory floor, the 300C looks about as subtle as a left hook from David Tua and that suited Brendan just fine. As he said, all it needed was a few “improvements in the right places”. First off, the Chrysler’s face needed a wee bit of surgery if it was to stand out from the other 300Cs on the road. To give more of a Bentley-style aesthetic, a T-REX triple chrome plated billet grill and T-REX front bumper vents were ordered from the States and fitted to great effect. Cast your eyes up slightly from the acres of chrome and to the rugby field-sized bonnet and you will find a collection of subtle, matt black tribal flames. To finish off the tough look, Brendan had the rear window wiper shaved and applied super-dark tints all-round.

When it came time to choose rims for the 300, Brendan always knew that it wouldn’t be an exercise in frugality. As the Chryslers roll out of the factory on 19s, what people would normally consider the business just wasn’t going to cut it on this gangsta-mobile. After a fair amount of shopping around, Brendan decided on a set of massive DUB Creams measuring 22-inches across, which is pretty damn serious for a road-going station wagon. These particular wheels catch the light with more than just chrome, thanks to Brendan’s very patient girlfriend Samantha delicately applying hundreds of tiny diamantes to the rim’s surface. Although the Chrysler is, of course, a hefty machine, these gargantuan rims are so big they required the front guards to be lipped if they were ever to roll without ripping the ridiculously expensive (over a grand per corner) 265/30R22 Hankook S1 tyres to shreds.

The glittering rolling stock is half-obscured by the bulging guards thanks to a serious amount of suspension work. Brendan contacted House of Lowriders who hooked him up with a full airbag kit designed specifically for the 300C.

The kit runs a pair of 200psi compressors filling a large storage tank and auxiliary dive tank. In a bag set-up like this one, the bigger the lines connecting the tanks to the bags and solenoids, the faster the system can lift and drop to the floor, so Brendan went with big half-inch air lines to make things as responsive as possible. All this is controlled by a switchbox nestled in the all-leather cabin, or should I say, 'playa lounge’. Being a demo car for Brendan’s shop, the interior of this particular 300C is a little special. Of course, with any demonstration car, you really want to show what you are capable of and Madsoundz is apparently capable of quite a bit. So, lets just clear this up right now. Yes, that is a real fish tank. And, yes, those are real fish swimming around in there. The plexiglass tank runs from the Panasonic double DIN touch-screen headunit mounted in the dash, down the centre console, past two sets of Soundstream SST 6.5-inch speakers and one set of SST 6×9-inch speakers and in to the boot. Now, this is where things get serious. A Soundstream Tarantula 2000W Monoblock amplifier can be seen mounted in to the floor, surrounded by a very large body of water and the odd goldfish merrily swimming around. The huge D-class amp powers two thumping 12-inch Fusion NV subwoofers, while a smaller Soundstream EGA 540.4 four-channel 560 Watt amplifier powers all the speakers mentioned earlier up front. Topping this off is a very large Fahrenheit 24-inch LCD TV mounted above the boot. Coming to think of it, I might stop using adjectives like 'huge’ and 'massive’ to describe this car and its gear because it’s probably just easier on all of us if you — like everything else about this car — simply assume it is.

Sure it’s loud, obnoxious and most definitely not for the faint of heart, but if you want to get peoples’ attention, it’s best to follow Brendan Gilbert’s lead and build something that people will look at and respect — whether they like it, love it or just plain hate it. Because, when it comes to a promotional vehicle; as long as they are looking, that’s all that matters.

2006 Chrysler 300C Touring – Specifications

Engine: Stock 5.7L Hemi V8 with rear mufflers removed
Driveline: Factory automatic
Suspension/Brakes: House of Lowriders airbag kit, 200psi compressors, half-inch lines, fill tank, auxiliary dive tank, factory four-wheel disc brakes
Wheels/Tyres: 22-inch Dub Cream rims 265/30R22 Hankook S1 tyres
Exterior: T-REX triple chrome plated billet grill, T-REX front bumper vents, Lipped front guards, rear window wiper shaved, custom matt black tribal flames on bonnet and tinted windows
Interior: Airbag switchbox, factory leather trim
ICE: Panasonic 2DIN touch screen head unit, Soundstream SST 6.5-inch speakers, Soundstream SST 6×9-inch speakers, Soundstream EGA 540.4 4-channel 560W amplifier, Soundstream Tarantula 2000W Monoblock amplifier, two Fusion NV 12-inch 600W subwoofers and a Fahrenheit 24-inch LCD TV

Brendan Gilbert – Owner Profile

Age: 27
Occupation: Manager of Madsoundz, Tauranga
Dream car: This one
Build time: One month
Length of ownership: A few months
Previously owned cars: 20B-powered series six RX-7, three-series BMW, Cadillac Coupe Deville lowrider, five-series BMW, Honda Civic Type-R, Mitsubishi Diamante demo car, Mitsubishi Evo III replica demo car, two Mitsubishi VR-4s
Brendan thanks: Soundstream, Fusion, Panasonic, Pete the Meat, Pete the Playa, Brendan at Splat Performance (07 5423122), Steve at Team Crash Repairs (07 5770119), Top Town Tyres, Carl and Pauline at Madsoundz Hamilton, Mike at Soundstream, Mac at McDonald Auto Trimmers